by Trevor Marimbire, United World College Maastricht
April 27th, 2018
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[dropcap]T[/dropcap]he task is simple. The socks are put in the washer, they are cleaned, you throw them into the dryer, and take them out when the alarm rings. It’s as simple as that. However, this process needs questioning when half the students are constantly wearing two socks that look nothing alike. It is without doubt that we live in a rather strange community otherwise known as “the island” or “the bubble” surrounded with the distasteful body of water; the moat. Being a “critical” community, it is important to examine what really happens to our socks when we take them for washing. This article examines theories which seek to find answers to where our socks go.
The Aliens who live under the UWC Campus survive on socks
In case you had forgotten, the Bad Dalai Lama, some know him as Glenn Campbell, did an extensive 2 hour video on the theory that the UWC Campuses around the world are used as bases for extraterrestrial research (aliens, basically).
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UWC Controls the sock industry
Over the past two years that I have been here, one question that has always been asked but barely answered is “Where does our funding come from ?” Many theorists have uncovered the answer: UWC holds the stocks of sock industries worldwide. Our socks are constantly disappearing which forces us to buy more and more socks. The more the socks; the more the money the movement gathers. Consequently, there are more scholarships to give and the more of us there are. The industry’s biggest investors are the two HOYs, Marcus and Saskia. Their constant hunt for absentees is no regular skill and their business-like approach to rushing people to class before period one is surprisingly nonchalant. They try as much as possible to keep the school running smoothly causing us to be caught up in a vicious cycle that climaxes with more UWC students entering the school thus, more socks for Marcus and Saskia.
Less socks = Less chaos
The Head of Residence, Satyadeep Srivastava, otherwise known as Satya, King Satya, Sultan, King of Residence or Pooja’s Sweetheart etc. has one of the most challenging jobs on campus: to ensure that all 200 residential students make it out with both legs and arms. In order to do this, he has to find ways to ensure that there is order on campus.
His previous tactics such as “Dutch law” and the “Moat ban” have proved to be ineffective in controlling the residential students and the King of Residence has resorted to collecting socks from each student. He has a strong belief that there is a correlation between the behaviour of students and the number of matching pairs of socks that a student possesses. This theory is backed up by the strategic way in which residential students are forced to leave their rooms thereby leaving a clear path for Sultan to go along and grab all the socks. For instance, during the“Sunday meetings led by StuCo” there is a one and a half hour opening for him and his possible accomplices to gather and store the socks before we get back to our rooms.
From controlling the sock industry to feeding aliens, the real reason behind the disappearing act practised by our socks will never be known. Some have claimed that top-loading and front-loading washers may cause socks to exit the drum and get trapped in areas that are out of sight or inaccessible to the user, however, this is clearly the most unrealistic theory in this article. We do hope and wish that one day, there will be a plausible answer to the mystery of our missing socks.